Where Do You Fit In?

This is part rant part pet peeve part cultural differences part random thoughts that are in my head.

 I have lived my whole life alone. Even when I lived with my family under the same roof, I was alone. They barely noticed if I was in the house let alone what was I doing. We also lived way out in the country. I had lots of space to roam and allow my thoughts to just run free. It helped to quiet the raging fire that burned through my mind. Even when I moved to Bahrain, I lived alone. At night I had my quiet spot I could go to. I never felt afraid being alone. Even in a foreign country. When I first went to Bahrain, I barely spoke Arabic, but even then I wasn't afraid and enjoyed being alone. I liked my privacy. I am all about personal space. I don't go in yours. You don't enter mine. Peace and harmony will reign.

But when I married ShahJee*, all of that changed. I instantly was part of a family. I had a role to play with responsibilites and expectations. I went from living alone to living with a husband, a mother in law, a sister inlaw and 2 brothers in law, alongside a mamu (uncle) and maani (auntie) and their two children who live in the house directly across from us less than 2 ft away. To say it was overwhelming doesn't even begin to encompass what I felt.

In the beginning there were arguments. Misunderstandings. Some based upon cultural differences others due to language barriers. I didn't speak a word of Urdu and his family didn't speak a word of English. The bar was set very high. After living here 3 years, I have begun to settle into my role. I know more of what is expected of me. I now know that when I walk to the bathroom and every single person turns to look at me in the house, it's not because they are being rude or think something bad of me, it's just a Pakistani thing.

I have also learned that there is no such thing as privacy. No one knocks. Not even the neigbors. I can't tell you the number of times I would be in our room working and suddenly a strange woman just walked in. Luckily for me my mother in law is not typical. She would come charging in and quickly get the neighbor out of there.

There are times I still cringe when my SIL opens the door and just walks in to ask a question, but I know this is just how they are. I am only one person. I entered their world. I can't expect them to change it completely just to suit me. While there is compromise on their part. They understand now that I like being alone and allow me that space only entering when it's absolutely required. I don't complain when they barge in without knocking because I realize that they are at least trying so how can I not at least do the same in return?

It's a balancing act. One I am still learning. Some days I am better at it than others.

When my second to youngest brother in law married last October, it was my word of approval that sealed the engagement. Eventhough I am an outsider by every means imagineable. My word carried just as much weight if not a little more than others because I am the "bara bhabi" (eldest sister in law). I am not eldest because of my age but simply because my husband is the eldest son in his family. My age has nothing to do with it. My responsibilities come from being married to him. He is the head of the family because his father is deceased. It is a huge responsibility but it is one of great respect.

In the TV room he has a spot that is "his spot". Regardless of how many cousins, nephews or friends are sitting there, regardless of how long they have been there, regardless of what they are doing, the sound of his footsteps approaching causes them to start to part. Wiggling this way and that so that when he finally arrives his spot is free. If they are reading the newspaper, they without a second thought hand it over to him. He is the eldest. It is what he does when he sits down in that spot.

It doesn't matter what they have planned or where they are going. If he calls them and tells them to do such and such they drop everything. Not with a huff and sigh, but with eagerness. They don't backtalk and ask why or say they will do it later. There is no thought of annoyance that enters their minds. He is the eldest. By default that same respect due to him falls upon me. It's not like that where I come from.

So while there are things that get on my last nerve there are other things that capture me and pull me in. Ensnared in their grasp I can't pull away from them and even though a part of me wants to run away another part longs to be taken deeper within.



*Not his real name but what he is called. He is a syed and it's a title of respect that is used specifically and only for syeds

What Inspired You This Week?

 

This is for a prompt from Mama Kat's Writers Workshop. The prompt I chose was "What inspired you this week?". Since I started this week by twisting the rules, it seems I will end this week by also twisting the rules. At first I couldn't decide which prompt to choose, then suddenly this one just jumped out at me along with a poem so instead of writing an article I wrote my inspiration as a poem. I hope that doesn't get me in too much trouble. (Also I still can't get the button to paste properly so instead I just put the link. However button is in the sidebar if you wanna click it)

What inspired you this week?

The  moon and stars

upon the seas

the radiant sun

the billowing trees

The cool winter's wind

upon my cheek

The encouraging word

A friend did speak

The loving touch

Of his embrace

His gentle lips

Soft as lace

Nights alone

A kitten's purr

A stranger's laugh

Memories of her

And in my mind

The scenes did unfold

and from my pen

a story was told



Across the Pond- Bahrain

If this is you're first time to walk across the pond, basically it's just me telling tales from the various places I have lived and visited, but if you want to know more, then you can find out more about what it is by clicking HERE.

What are Your Labels?

In life, we wear many labels simultaneously. Some out of choice. Others come as part of a package, and some just because we have to.

What are my labels?

I am southern and redneck.

I know who the Cable Guy is and how to Get Ir Done

I also know the meaning of "Here's your sign"

I know duct tape will fix anything and Monday morning is the best day to find "good furniture" at the dump.

I have been snipe hunting, and for $49.99 I will take you and two of your best friends. (Half off to anyone who has been before but just wants their friends to enjoy the thrill)

I have eaten frog legs, squirrel, rabbit, deer, and snake.

I am muslim.

I wear a veil.

I pray in Arabic.

I am not religious, but I am spiritual.

I believe everyone must find their own path and what is right for me may not be right for you.

I am a mother.

I do not get awakened from a deep sleep by two little eyes staring at me and a small voice whispering "Are you asleep?"

I do not have to repeat myself ten times to take out the trash.

I do not get to hold my children when they have bad dreams.

I do not get to wipe their tears when they fall down trying to learn something new.

I am female.

I prefer doc martins and rodeos to high heels and Rodeo Drive.

I don't wear makeup or jewelry.

I haven't had my hair cut by a professional for almost ten years.

I only found out last year that Jimmy Choo wasn't a man and Lady Gaga wasn't the newest Teletubby.

I am uneducated.

I didn't finish highschool, but I have my GED.

I taught myself to read and write in Arabic and Urdu

I speak 3 languages. My pronunciation might be horrible but I can make myself understood.

I am not an expert but I know how to design a website and can use HTML and CSS.

I am a wife.

I love it when my husband asks me to make him a cup of tea.

I love being able to look across the room and see him busily working on his latest project.

I love that he allowed me to be a part of his world without trying to change me.

I love that he protects me from the big bad world and wouldn't think twice about cutting anyone in half who tried to hurt me.

I am a friend.

I can be your shoulder to cry on.

I am caring and non judgemental

I get when you just need someone to "listen" and aren't really interested in "advice"

I might call you a bitch but I will bitchslap anyone else who even thinks it.

These are only a few of the labels I wear. While they are common everyday labels worn by millions of others, I wear them much differently than most. At times, they are burdens, heavy and difficult to carry. Then suddenly their load lightens. Sometimes it's because someone offers a helping hand. While other times, I change my point of view and what once was burdensome becomes a blessing. Regardless of where I go or what I do, these labels will follow me. My light in the darkness. My constant companion. They are more than just labels. They are me.

What are your labels?

Can I See Your Greencard Please?

Starting yesterday's weekly edition of Across the Pond has really got me thinking about my life and how to everyone around me I am just the absolute oddest person they know. 99% of the people here would sell their first born and cut off their right arm to get a visa to USA, and I have a passport that I keep under lock and key. Safely hidden away just in case anyone gets a notion to come in and try to steal it because here an American passport is your ticket to freedom. It's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I didn't leave America because I hated its policies or because the president was democrat or republican. I left because I was missing something inside of me. There was an emptiness in me that I couldn't fill. I tried so hard to find it there. I lived in numerous states from east coast to west coast and north to south, but for all of my searching I just couldn't find "it".

What "it" was I had no idea. However, I was determined to find it, and thankfully I did. Only it wasn't in my backyard. It was on the other side of the globe in a place I never thought I would be.

Normally whenever anyone from here marries an American, they immediately file for a visa and head off to the States. Before I got married, I made it very clear to my husband that I had absolutely no intentions of doing that. He had no interest in a greencard and just wanted to marry me because I was me and not because my passport had USA stamped on it.

While my husband's immediate family have accepted  I will never whisk their son away and take him to America, it's hard for the distant relatives to comprehend. Whenever they visit which is only once or twice a year, they always ask when we are going back to America. I just pretend to not understand what they said. I have learned it's easier that way because no amount of explanation will ever make them get "it", and they are only here for a few hours a year so it really isn't worth the argument either.

Every person's happiness is different, and that's ok. That's what makes this world a special place to live in. I love learning about other people's lives and cultures. I mean can you imagine if everyone was like Uncle Bubba? Shudder. What a weird world it would be.

While a part of me gets ticked off at being asked again for 1000th time when I am going back, another part of me smiles because I am different. Different is good. I think I will keep being different because if I were the same as the people I went to school with, then instead of sitting in an exotic land, I would be at home in a trailer park, knocked up, with 5 screaming kids in the background all with different daddies, wondering how I would get my next "fix" and if I can buy beer with my food stamps. I think I like exotic better.