The glow of the computer monitor is the only light in the house. Every one is fast asleep. The only sound is the crickets who are singing their nighttime lullabies. In the silence and the darkness, I take a moment to look back. To look at where I have come from, where I am now, and how far I have traveled. Not just distance but within myself. While I have many regrets, I have learned so much.
I have learned an inner strength that I didn't know I had. I have learned about universes and planets that I never knew existed. Visited alien worlds and learnt what it means to be humbled. However as the days pass the pain of regret dulls. It stops twisting within. Stops turning and rumbling. Stops raging and clawing and I become complacent within myself.
Until the shock comes. And it always comes in those moments when the darkness is darkest and the night is quietest. Moments when I least expect it. Moments when I begin to feel that I am almost whole. They jump out from the dark corners and grab me. They pull me back down into the pits of the abyss. Throwing me here and there. Tearing at me. Clawing, biting, riping. Leaving me naked and exposed. When I finally reach the bottom, I lie there and silent tears find their way into existance.
As I lie there, I wonder if the abyss will ever let go of me or if it will forever have a hand on me. Grabbing me, using me when its bored and then tossing me aside when another shiny plaything comes along. The abyss is unforgiving. Its silence deafening. If only it were bottomless then I could fall forever and never have to worry about it spitting me back out only to drag me back into it once again.
I walk the earth wearing invisible chains. Some days they are heavy. Others they seem lighter. Their constant metal clang is a reminder that at any moment the pit could open and into the darkness I will plunge.