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| no this is not me |
I often wonder about what it will be like that first moment. So many years have passed and living overseas has changed me so much. I wonder if there will be that connection between us. If the things I taught to them when they were little will still be buried away somewhere within theirselves or if it has simply disappeared.
Days like today make me very contemplative in regards to my children. So much time has passed and there is so much that I wish for them to know, but they have been raised in that backwoods redneck small town mindset. I know because that is how I was raised, but the fact that I was able to see beyond that gives me hope that maybe some day they will too.
Days like today make me regretful for the time that I have lost with them but also thankful for the lessons that I learned during my journey. I have gained so much understanding not only about the world and its people, but more importantly about myself. However that brings about extreme guilt. How can I feel any happiness about the journey that has taken me far from my children? Yet the journey is what has made me a better person. A person that I hope they will one day be proud of. A person that someday they will at least consider a friend if nothing else.
Days like today are bittersweet. They should be joyous, but they are tainted with the sourness of knowing that it is a sweetness my children have yet to taste. I hope someday I will be able to share it with them.
13th Rajab
