Sounds so extremely simple. I recently stumbled upon the blog Look Far. I have made a few posts about the things I have found on that blog. It's as if she/he/they are writing directly to me. As if they can see inside of me at that specific moment in time and know exactly what I need to hear.
Accept. Want. Feel.
Accept. Want. Feel.
3 simple things you can do to change your life. I am a runner. No, I don't mean marathon runner or even running as you're most likely thinking of. I mean I run from life. When things get bad, I run. Sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, sometimes spiritually. I run and pretend. Pretend the bad doesn't exist. That it isn't real and sometimes I even convince myself that it isn't. That I will start over in this new place, but in the end nothing really changes because it isn't the outside world that needs to change. It is me.
I am a addict. Addicted to running. It is a high for me. Emotionally. Just like with any junkie when that high wears off, I need another fix. While my fix doesn't come with a needle and you can't snort it up your nose, it is just as destructive. I am tired. I don't want to run anymore, but I have been running for as long as I can remember. Even as a child. I don't remember a time when I wasn't running. Hiding. Burying my emotions deep down into a vault so I would be "safe".
It seems like it should be the simplest thing in the world to do. Just to stop, but I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I don't even realize I am running until my husband tells me and then suddenly I am frozen in place and I think when did I start? Where am I? How did I get here? I don't even want to be here, but here I am. Again.
Accept. Want. Feel.
I challenge myself to accept that I am a product of my environment. That I am this way because of the disease that has invaded my mind and because of the things that were inflicted upon me. I challenge myself to accept that I deserve happiness. I deserve love.
I challenge myself to want to be happy. To want to be loved.
I challenge myself to feel love for myself and to truly feel love for others.
Accept. Want. Feel.
