For the last few days I have been sat contemplating whether or not to start this "journal" of sorts. Just when I had almost talked myself out of it, certain recent events caused me to become certain that I needed an outlet. A place where my voice could cry or laugh or just be silent. A place where I could just be without fear, without repercussion.
Now don't think that my life is just filled with doom and gloom because it is not. There are many aspects of my life which are truly wonderful and glorious and I fully intend to share those as well. However, in my daily life I often feel seen but invisible, heard but muted, with my family but utterly alone. I feel when I share my inner most thoughts with others instead of finding understanding, I end up being even more misunderstood. Instead of bringing others close to me, I drive them farther away.
Now don't get me wrong. I am fully aware of the fact that I am not an easy person to live with. I am very complex and the rules that apply today probably won't apply tomorrow, but in other ways I am very simple, very easy, very undemanding of others and extremely giving of myself. However, this simple complexity is often beyond the understanding of others and beyond their ability to accept.
For these reasons, I have decided to make this my venting board. For me writing is extremely therapeutic. I have written ever since I was a child. Although I don't write as much now that I am an adult as I did then. Writing is still my outlet. My fingers can often say what I cannot get my tongue to. Even in real life, when I have something extremely important to share with someone, I will often email them instead of speaking to them because I am better able to express myself through words.
I hope that you find some things of interest here. I also plan to write about my life's journey and how I went from a small farm girl from Redneck, USA to living overseas in a country that most people would never imagine visiting let alone permanently living in. I hope to also use this as a way to document the things I have discovered while being here. A digital scrapbook so that later on I can look back and remember the first time I saw something new. I know there are still a lot of unanswered questions, but hopefully as I continue to write the picture will become clearer and maybe make just a bit of sense too.