Daylight was fading as we pulled into town. I looked at you. You were fast asleep. I glanced in the rear view mirror just to confirm what I already knew that she was fast asleep too. If she had been awake, then she would have been talking. She was always talking. Even if there was no one around she would talk to the wind. Although some days I believed it answered her back. I pulled the car into the hotel. Something cheap. It was just for a few hours. Just to get a quick rest then back on the road again. This would be the last time we would be together. The last time I would look upon your angelic face. I knew this but you didn’t. You were young and filled with hope. Untainted by the world. Still innocent, but I knew. I felt it deep inside of me.
I knew he would be waiting for us. I had already spoken to him on the phone. I slowly searched for his car. Making these last few moments last just a bit longer. You opened your beautiful brown eyes. A smile slowly spreads across your face. “Are we here?” you ask. Yes I said.
I parked the car. As we got out I could see him, impatient as always. I held you so close to me. Pulling your body close to mine. Breathing in the salty fragrance of sweat as it rolled down your face. Sweet innocent eyes looking back into mine. A smile that was so wonderful that I was certain time had begun to stand still.
His voice calling you, “Hurry up”. I kissed you good bye. Knowing it was the last good bye. The last time my eyes would see you. The last time my arms would hold you. The last time you would ever say those words to me, but you didn’t know. You wiped my tears. Told me to not cry that you would see me soon and went on your way.
I don’t know how long I stood there. Watching as you drove away. Taking in every moment. Burning every inch of you into my memory. How my heart ached. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt that much and survive, but I wouldn’t consider my life after that day as surviving. More like merely existing. From that moment on, I was a zombie. A walking corpse. I was real but not real.
On the outside I looked the same as everyone else, but on the inside I was reliving that moment. Watching you waving good bye from the back seat. Your beautiful innocent smile. Then you slowly turning around sitting down. That was the last time I saw you.
This post is linked up with the Red Dress Club’s memoir prompt, which asked: “imagine that after you have died and your daughter/son will be given the gift of seeing a single five-minute period of your life through your eyes, feeling and experiencing those moments as you did when they occurred. What five minutes would you have him/her see? Tell us about them in the finest detail.” It's my first time so if it isn't right, let me know so I know what to do next time.
