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| Judaaee means "separation" in Urdu |
Because I am a sadist and love to torture myself, I thought it would be cool to play on the big slide and joined the Indie Ink writing challenge. This is my first time participating and I am both nervous and excited. My challenge came from Jason Hughes which was
The minute you knew you had failed at something you wanted to succeed so badly at...
As soon as the door closed, I collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor. Somehow I managed to contain the primal scream I felt rising inside of me. Tears fell down my cheeks as I looked around the empty room. Moments before it had been filled with laughter, but now the silence was so heavy I could barely draw air into my lungs.
This must be what it feels like to be shot, I remember thinking as a slow warmth began to spread across the dull ache that had settled into my chest. The entire drive down I kept pretending as if this moment wouldn't come, but it came anyways. I crawled across the floor to the bed. Climbing up onto it, I pulled the crumpled bedspread around my body. I breathed deeply. I could still smell them.
"Ten little monkeys jumpin' on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, "No more monkeys jumpin' on the bed".
I would have normally yelled at them for jumping on the bed, but not that day. I just wanted to remember them laughing. I wanted to burn their smiles into my memory, but now they were gone.
The first time I looked into those big brown eyes, I swore to protect them forever, but I couldn't. I had tried so hard, but no matter how hard I tried it just wasn't good enough. As the realization swept through me that I would never see them again, the primal scream I had been holding inside ripped itself from my grasp and forced its way into existence.
I had failed. They had trusted me to protect them. To love them, and I failed. Exhaustion finally consumed me and I fell into a troubled sleep. I dreamt of swings and merry-go-rounds. Images and sounds that haunt me to this very day. I had sworn I would never be like her. That I would never hurt them the way she hurt me, but in the end I was just like her. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". She failed, and so had I.
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I apologize for being MIA the last few days, life and all that goes along with it. I am sure you all understand how that goes. To update on the car, we got it back except now as soon as you put it into gear it dies. So back to the shop it went. At the last count, the total was up to 2000 rupees ($24). I realize that doesn't sound like much, but when you consider ShahJee's monthly salary is only 5000 rupees ($60), then it is quite a big chunk of our monthly budget. Fingers crossed, they figure out what is wrong with it before we have to sell a lung to get it fixed. Joking! We wouldn't sell a lung. A kidney maybe, but not a lung!
